finally i see your view
by toomanycoolkids
Summary: the cruel cycle of friendship. im terribly sorry, el.


_Yeah, I was in the dark _  
_I was falling hard _  
_With an open heart _  
_I'm wide awake _  
_How did I read the stars so wrong _

_I wish I knew then _  
_What I know now _  
_Wouldn't dive in _  
_Wouldn't bow down _  
_Gravity hurts_

lessons are learnt, most of the time, the hard way. and no, that's not the easiest way, but definitely the most effective. some incidents would just forever be etched into your mind; forever.

* * *

i don't know if this even makes sense now. but it does to me, and i realize how selfish i must have seemed about this whole 'friendship' thing. you just seemed weird, selfish, annoying and way clingy at that time. i didn't know how bad you must have felt being left out. 'cause now i know.

yeah you'd probably think hey i deserve this karma, eh? to be completely honest, i really didn't know how much my actions meant. i didn't know how much it hurt to be the "third wheel"/the left out one.

i remember how we became friends. somewhere july, nine of us people were nominated for exco. after a series of interview/hands-on problem solving/presentation for the principal, seven of us got the position.

seven of us, yeah, we were split into two groups: one to do the book reviews, another basically just be doggies and patrol the school with strips.

i got book reviews, you got the patrolling work.

one day, i guess, a week after we officially got the badges for exco, i was on the way down the stairs when i saw you with the strips you were supposed to blue-tack to the sides of the staircase. you were crying maybe? or just pissed? i don't remember or maybe i just didn't pay enough attention.

yeah can you believe it? the first conversation between us two friends actually started like this. you told me some dickhead just went ahead and tore the strips.

you threw a big hissy fit and i, being the nice saint i am, went combing the entire school to find that boy so we could report him to the teacher.

i don't even know why i was being so nice, spending my entire break (not eating!) just to help some random person like you, but i did.

and ha little dipshit (desmond) got punished and we were so happy.

just so coincidentally we became friends.

and bam, the next year, we were put in the same class and you were sat in front of me, with your crush!

i sat with mel. basically i considered myself real lucky about that.

somewhere march, mel, you and me became real good friends. but somehow you were always on the sidelines.

then came the Nanjing trip "disaster" in june. 21 pupils from our school, chosen by teachers, we were sent to china to a school for an emersion trip.

i guess 21 days overseas away from our parents was too much for both of us and war broke out.

literally world war III.

come to think of it, i don't even remember what the quarrels between us five roommates were even about. all i remember was that there was shouting, tears and banging of doors.

that really severed our friendship.

yeah in the end, everybody became friends again and apologised and laughed at our own stupidity but "forgive; not forget" eh?

mel and i, we became a team and you found other people. sort of.

somewhere in july, you kinda got on our nerves.

and mel "decided she hates you".

i don't really know what happened but seeing you being so eccentric, left out, it made me see how i looked to other people two years ago. my "emo" phase.

ok maybe not emo. i didn't wear black, i used pink but i acted like one. ignoring any form of human contact, not talking, shoving my ugly head behind books, i was absolutely miserable in school.

the way you acted then, reminded of the old 2011 me. the loser me. and i hated myself so much for that. and that explains why i didn't like the way you acted.

i saw myself in 2012 you.

does that make sense?

i'm sorry for leaving you out. i just didn't want anything/anybody to remind me of "2011 loser me".

* * *

revolting turn of events my best friend got a new best friend.

see the cycle?

i was your best friend before mel came along. you were abandoned.

i was mel's best friend before liz came along. now i'm abandoned.

that's just how things are, the cycle.

i guess i just gotta get a new best friend.

.

.

bye El

you were a nice friend

i'm sorry i didn't know what i did.

i bet you hate me.

now i'm the pathetic one.

wish me luck.

goodbye.


End file.
